Work-life Balance is a term that gets thrown around a lot. It somehow implies that there is a perfect balance, a perfect 50/50 that can be obtained between your professional life and your home life. The truth? It will never be in perfect balance like a scale. It’s more like a seesaw, tilting back and forth, and not always when you’re ready.
Work life balance was best summed up by the business philosopher Jim Rohn who said
” When you’re at the beach, be at the beach, and don’t think about the office. When you’re at the office, think about the office, and don’t think about the beach.”
That is, be intentional about both.
I once had a coach whom I was explaining to how I was struggling to get reports done in a timely manner. I had a zillion silly excuses. The one and only time he ever yelled at me, when he said
“if you’re doing something, do it with intentionality”
I felt like I had shrunk to being only a few inches tall. I was embarrassed. But I fully deserved to be yelled at. I wasn’t being intentional and focusing on my report. I was letting excuses and distractions get in the way. And by taking hours to do something that should take 20-30 minutes, I was losing time with my kids as well. Double ouch!
More simply, when working, focus on getting your work done. Don’t get distracted by what kind of background music you’d like to listen to, what beverage would be perfect right now, or what fire is waiting in your email inbox. As Nike would say, Just do it!
The same goes for the rest of your life.
What Other Kids Taught Me
I recall when my kids were small, taking them to the playground. Other kids would look at me in awe. I remember one kid saying to my kid, “Your dad brings you to the playground? My parents never bring me anywhere,” as he ran back to his nanny. It was sad to see how many kids were at the playground with a nanny, and not a parent. I get, parents have to work. My mom was a single working parent. But I also remember feeling like my assorted baby sitters raised me moe than she did.
However its not about time, it’s being intentional. There were plenty of instances where i had to work, but I also scheduled time after work for playtime. I knew I had to work from say 8 to 5, but at 5:30-8, I was all dad. No phone, no email, no distractions.
There is a saying that if it’s not in your calendar, it doesn’t exist. This goes for your family life. And sometimes you risk getting double-booked. There have been multiple occasions where I told my kids I would be home by 6 and we would do a certain activity as soon as I got home. And then during the day, an awesome opportunity would come up that would help my career or business. But I couldn’t. I had to leave that money on the table. All the money in the world can’t fix a broken promise to the child who looks up to you the most.
Don’t forget Your Significant Other
This goes for your spouse or significant other as well. The classic trap a working parent, particulier a father, tends to fall into is the feeling of, oh, now we have a kid, I need to work every hour I can. I need every brownie point I get get at work. I need to take one every project, because getting fired or laid off would be devastating to the family. But in the effort to be the perfect breadwinner, they lose the plot. They let work consume them and ignore the family that is driving them to work so hard. One day they wake up and the spouse is gone and the kids are checked out, all of them tired of feeling abandoned. When they were only set aside in order to provide for them.
Now that my kids are older, planning play time isn’t as important. But planning time is. As a business owner, I tend to be a workaholic. The next sale, the next payroll, the next marketing plan is always on my mind. But I have to schedule the vacation. A few days here, a few days there, and at times, a week off here and a week off there. And when I mean off, I mean off. Not checking in with work. Going places without cell service. Be intentional about being on vacation.
Presence, Not Time
The goal isn’t a perfect split, it’s to stop living half-aware in both worlds. If you’re working, work with purpose. If you’re with your family, be all there. You won’t always get it right—I don’t. But every time you choose to be intentional, you tip the seesaw toward something better. Don’t be the mom pushing her kid on the swing while being on her cell phone explaining to the person on the other end how she is getting in her quality time with her kid. If you’re focused on your phone, it’s not really quality time. That’s how you build a life you don’t need to escape from.